Behavioural Science (‘Nudge Theory’)
For anyone who wants to know more about behavioral science, and the ways in which understanding and anticipating human behaviour can be used to powerfully and positively to influence behaviour.
1670745922:1 | default | https://effective.vision/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/9_being-persuasive.png | audio | https://effectivelearning.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/elms/audios/top_tens__being-persuasive.mp3 | 16.02M | 15161801 | download | https://effectivelearning.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/elms/audios/top_tens__being-persuasive.mp3 | Be clear about your messages | be very clear about what it is you want to say. A lot of people think about this in terms of content, but anything you say is going to contain content. So what you really need to think about is message. What is the key message or messages you want to get across? This can be summarised under two headings. What do they want to know? What do you want to tell them? Also consider what action do you want them to take and what reaction do you want them to have? | Focus on their benefits, not your features | focus on the benefits for the other person and not simply the features of your product. What’s persuasive for the purchaser is what’s in it for them. What need or want or desire or preference are you trying to meet? And remember something may be very attractive to you, but not attractive at all to the person you’re trying to persuade. | See objections as unmet needs | if somebody raises an objection, they’re actually raising an unmet need. So see all objections as unmet needs. If somebody said, for example ‘that’s a great idea, but it’s going to take too long’, then the unmet need is for it to take less time, be shorter. If somebody said, it’s going to be too complex, then the unmet need is wanting it to be simpler. And so there’s a key point here: the solution to any objection is to find its opposite. Then if you can offer the opposite to the objection, and meet the need, then it’s really very difficult for the other person to continue to object, because you’ve just met that unmet needs. | Choose the right medium | this changes the focus from what to how. Different people respond differently to ways of having the messages presented. So think about the way you’re going to reach your audience. For example, would somebody prefer to look at your proposal first in writing, giving them a chance to think about it, to reflect on it before having to come to a decision? Do they actually like dialogue? They didn’t like the idea of, of, of being persuaded through discussion. So it’s different strokes for different folks. | Use their preferred currencies | if you were going on holiday – let’s say to France what currency would you take? The answer presumably is euros because that’s the preferred currency of the host country. And if you took pound Sterling and insisted in spending a fortnight using only that currency, I don’t think you’d get very far and people would think you’re a bit odd to say the least. In a similar way, we all have our own preferred currencies – our own way of trading in terms of dialogue and language, approach. For example, one of my preferred currencies is that I’m very visual. If you present something to me in a way that I can see it as a diagram or a model or a picture, I’m much more likely to pay attention and also to have an understanding of what it is you’re trying to get across. So remember: it’s not your own currency that matters here. It’s the currency of your intended audience. | You are part of the sale | people buy you as the presenter of the idea, perhaps as much as they buy the product or service. People buy people; YOU matter as part of the presentation. | Be fluent, passionate & talk with conviction | this follows on from the previous tip. People buy passion, people, buy commitment, people buy energy. Conversely if you present to somebody and your voice is flat and monotonous, you’ll seem to lack conviction. | Think of two meetings, not just one | think of making your proposal in two sessions. In the first meeting, outline your proposal and give them time to think and also time and opportunity to object, so you can take away their objections, their responses. And then you can come back again with a second version of the proposal that addresses their objections. If you just try and do a one-stop shop and sell a pitch or a proposal in the one meeting, then it doesn’t really give the other person any time to think which they may feel is therefore pressure selling. And of course it means that if they raise objections in that meeting, you’re going to have to think on your feet. | Use powerful language | this is something covered in more detail in other podcasts; the power of positive language. The pace, the tempo, and particularly the vocabulary, the power of words, all of these techniques can really add value and persuasion power. | Whose idea is this, anyway? | the most persuasive approach is one that builds on something your audience has already started. So quite useful to have a conversation with someone to find out not only what product or service they want, but what particular attribute of that service is important, what characteristic or feature is of particular benefit or attraction to them. If you present back to them, the idea that’s already occurred to them, then you’re much more likely to have a successful sell. | numbered | youtube | aspect_16-9 | published | published | default | podcast | top tens | /finder/?_sfm_resource_type=podcast | https://podfactory.effective.vision/collection_series/podcast-top-tens/ | effective | /resources/top-tens/being-persuasive/ | _self | resources | podcast | published | top-tens/R5543-TOP-TENS-being-persuasive.webp | Of course, you may be too busy to listen… but you’ll regret it if you don’t – since then you’ll never know how useful these top ten tips would have been… | being-persuasive | publish | _validate_email | top-tens/R5543-TOP-TENS-being-persuasive.png | publish | aspect_16-9
Top Ten Tips on…
Nudge Theory
12 December 2022
Effective Top Tens – Podcast
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Quick, practical tips on a wide range of management and personal development themes.
How an understanding of human behaviour – how we act, and why – can help you ‘nudge’ people towards or away from particular choices and outcomes…
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Before we begin…
… I’ll ask you some questions. Why would most people take lifts rather than the stairs? That’s question one. Two – in Yellowstone park in America, the heavy rains brought some of the older fossils to the surface on some of the foot paths and the keepers of the park put some notices out saying, please don’t take the fossils. They’re very rare. Although they’ve come to the surface, just leave them, otherwise there’ll be no fossils left. What this note did was have the reverse effect, in fact, it encouraged people to take the fossils. Why was that? Thirdly, why this did this fly tip occur? Fourthly, when is the best time to sell fertilizers to farmers? Okay. I’ll provide the answers to those questions, all of which are relevant to today’s theory, at the end of the podcast.
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Don’t trust what people say – trust what they do
we often rely too much on questionnaires or focus groups or surveys because often people will tell you what they either think you want to hear or what they think they genuinely will do, that it is their intention. But in fact, as we all know, people don’t always follow their intentions. And so what really matters is what people do, which is a focus of Nudge Theory.
3
Go with the majority
if your actions bring about a positive change or result for 80% of the those you are focusing on, then that’s a positive result. Deal with the remaining 20% in a different way. So we don’t automatically have to have everybody on board. There will always be exceptions and we don’t make particularly allowances for the exceptions: Nudge Theory prioritises strategies that work for the majority. If most people will do it, then it’s worth doing.
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Make it easy to do it or to change
This, and the following 3 tips are based on a key Nudge Theory acronym: EAST The first of the four letters is E, representing Easy. The easier something is the more likely someone is to do it. So make things easy if you want them to happen..
5
Make the change, or the behaviour you want, attractive
make something attractive. If it’s attractive, somebody will be interested in it and possibly do it because it’s attractive.
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Make it socially acceptable
people are generally herd animals. We will do what most people do. We will do what is socially acceptable. We tend to follow the norm of human behaviour. We conform – we don’t like to stand out. So most people do it. As mentioned before, there will always be exceptions, but most people follow and conform.
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Make it timely
make things timely for people, make it convenient in terms of time for people to do things.
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The reverse is true: and that’s DUSI
If we reverse EAST, unfortunately as an acronym, we don’t get WEST, more’s the pity, but we can have DUSI. So DUSI is difficult, unattractive, socially unacceptable and Inconvenient in terms of time. So let’s take those two sets of four letters together. East encourages behaviour do see discourages behaviour. So if you want somebody to do something, use EAST. If you want to discourage someone from doing something, make it DUSI. They both work. They both influence human behaviour towards something which is EAST and away from something which is DUSI.
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A personal example
I walk around ten thousand steps every day. How does that fit in terms of Nudge Theory? For me, EAST works well. I find it easy (much easier than running); attractive (fresh air and exercise); I do it early, when the family is asleep, so it is socially acceptable; and for the same reason it is timely – it doesn’t eat into my day. For others, the idea would be DUSI – not easy, not attractive, not socially acceptable, and not timely.
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The quiz answers…
here are the answers to those quiz questions I asked right at the start. So why do people take the lift rather than the stairs? Because it’s easier. When Yellowstone park asked people not to take the fossils that been washed to the surface because they were rare and scarce. That became an atrractive incentive for people to take them. Scarcity always produces extra demand. In terms of fly tipping, once somebody has put down a mattress or a fridge freezer in place, It becomes socially acceptable for other people to do the same. It may also be easier and more convenient to do that, than to take their rubbish to a more distant tip. It’s really bizarre – people who would not start the fly tip will nonetheless join it because the trend has been established. The pattern has been set. Finally, the best time to sell fertilizers to farmers has nothing to do with the crop season; it is to do when they’re most likely to have money, to be able to afford the fertilizer. And the time for that is just after having sold their crops or produce. So it’s a matter of timeliness.
would you like to write for us?… please get in touch 🙂
Related courses & resources…
Influencing Skills
For anyone who wants to work with others in a way that creates a positive impression, enhances your influence and helps you be more persuasive.
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Changing Habits
Making and breaking habits – what do you need? Know your reasons, then how to replace the bad ones, and reinforce and repeat the good ones
Top Ten Tips on…
Receiving Feedback
14 February 2022
Effective Top Tens – Podcast
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Quick, practical tips on a wide range of management and personal development themes.
The other end of feedback…all feedback is useful, if you know how to use it. This podcast will help you make the best of any feedback you receive…
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Always say thank you
Acknowledge the feedback and the feedback giver; that’s to encourage you to continue to get feedback, because when you get feedback it gives you choice. You get some additional information about you, your performance, the way you are presenting yourself, and you can then decide what to do about it. You can take the feedback seriously and decide to take some action based on that feedback. Or you can choose to ignore it, put it in the bin. The point is getting feedback gives you a choice, which you can make decisions about. If you don’t get feedback, you don’t get that choice.
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Avoid defending or justifying
If you respond in a defensive or aggressive way, it will probably discourage the feedback giver from continuing to give you feedback. Whilst that might seem initially attractive if the feedback is in any way critical, it actually reinforces tip number one, that it’s more likely to lead to the giver stopping, giving up feedback that might be helpful. So don’t justify, don’t defend. don’t explain: just take the feedback as it is.
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Ask for clarity
It is OK to ask for an example, to give more substance or body to the feedback. This is not challenging the feedback; it’s just being clear, getting more specific information to help you understand better. This is crucial if the feedback is vague.
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Don’t reciprocate or fob it off
If the feedback is positive, don’t feel the need to reciprocate or equalise with something positive in return. It can devalue the feedback because it’s almost a game, you know, they’ve given you a compliment, so you have to give them a compliment in return. You feel you have to equalise the feedback, but there is no need, and the other person doesn’t expect it – they aren’t fishing for their own compliment. Just accepted as a gift, something, pleasant and helpful, and don’t feel the need to reciprocate or pay it back.
Equally don’t brush it aside. Don’t put yourself or the feedback down, by for example saying “oh, it’s nothing”, or “I was just doing my job”. That may well be your natural humility and your discomfort with being complimented. But if somebody genuinely wants to give you credit and they see that in doing so it’s making you uncomfortable, they may be reluctant to make you uncomfortable again….
So don’t make it difficult for the feedback giver.
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Seek corroboration if necessary
If you are unsure how valid the feedback is, then by all means seek corroboration from another party, go to somebody whose views you can trust. Maybe you need to explain that you want some honest feedback, explain that you’ve already had some feedback and see if you can get somebody else’s second opinion.
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Recognise responsive feedback
Keep your eyes and ears open, because we get feedback all the time. Feedback doesn’t have to be direct and verbal. I do a lot of teaching and you can usually tell if the class are engaged or attentive or not: that’s feedback. So keep your eyes and ears open because other people’s behaviour will give you some indication of how you’re doing.
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Acknowledge helpful feedback
If you’ve had some critical feedback and have thought about it, got over your initial discomfort and decided that the feedback has been helpful, then go back to that person and thank them. Because the person who gives you critical feedback may have felt they were taking a risk, but they felt it – you – were worth the effort. This isn’t the reciprocity we discussed earlier. This takes place after some initial discomfort has given way to appreciation.
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Validate the feedback with action
The best way to show that the feedback you’ve been given is valid is to act upon it. If, for example, somebody has given you feedback that you interrupt rather than letting people finish, so it’s helpful to let them finish. If you think that’s a really valid piece of feedback, make sure you don’t interrupt next time. They’ll notice it. And you’ll notice that you were doing it. Both of you should feel good from that point of view. So put the feedback into action as the best way of showing that you’ve valued the feedback.
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Habits will be difficult to change
If the feedback you’ve been given requires you to change your habit, then accept that this may take time. Find a way of replacing an unhelpful habit with one that’s more positive and helpful, but be aware that if the feedback has been about a routine or a practice that you have been doing for some time, then that’s pretty embedded. So your intent may be to move forward with the feedback, but the habit may still pull you back.
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Be aware of inauthentic feedback
Some feedback you get may just not be authentic. It may not be well intentioned. And it’s not always easy to tell whether it is or isn’t, but there are two main types of inauthentic feedback: firstly critical feedback that is not intended to help, but intended to damage you – to make you feel small or inadequate, frustrated or even angry. And of course you would deal with that kind of feedback in a different way.
And secondly, almost as an opposite to that, the other kind of inauthentic feedback is feedback designed to simply flatter you. That’s simply an attempt to manipulate your feelings into something more positive, mainly towards the feedback giver, rather than about the nature of the feedback itself. So be aware of two extremes of inauthentic feedback.
would you like to write for us?… please get in touch 🙂
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What’s Stopping You…?
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Top Ten Tips on…
Giving Feedback
7 February 2022
Effective Top Tens – Podcast
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Quick, practical tips on a wide range of management and personal development themes.
How to decide what to say when giving feedback, and how to say it… So that the impact is positive and effective for everyone involved.
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Constructive feedback is crucial
Little things make a big difference. And one of the really good examples of that is giving constructive and positive feedback. We all like to feel good about ourselves. And giving such feedback costs nothing. All feedback should be given with the intent to help and improve. That’s what makes it constructive.
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Make it authentic
The feedback has to be believed, valued and valuable. And if you’re not sure how to give the feedback, then it’s a good idea to put yourself in their shoes. If someone was about to give you constructively critical feedback, how would you want it to be given? then follow your own views and base your approach on what would work best for you.
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Make it behaviour specific
It has to be about the individual’s behaviour rather than about individual themselves. This means you can value the individual whilst addressing the inappropriate behaviour.
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Make it relevant
Feedback should be about their performance, the way they behave and how it impacts – directly or indirectly – on their own or others’ performance.
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Give feedback early
The feedback should be as close to the event as possible, not saved. For example, for some performance reviews or appraisals, you may want the feedback to help make a change or have an impact as soon as possible. So why would you save it?
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Make it evidence-based
The individual needs to be given proof of what they are doing, which is why it always has to be about their behaviour rather than about them generally, or their attitude, which is non-evidenceable.
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Make it directly to the person concerned
This doesn’t always happen. Surprisingly, for example, there are two other types of feedback: private feedback and third party feedback. Private feedback is when you acknowledge how good somebody else’s performance has been, but only to yourself, in your head. Third party feedback occurs when you acknowledge someone’s strengths to somebody else.
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Make it specific
Generalised feedback isn’t really helpful, since the individual can’t focus on either what’s good or not.
9
Give blind spot feedback
The essence of blind spot feedback is people can’t change what they don’t know. There are two types of blind spot. For the first, the individual is unaware of their behaviour, and for the second, the individual is unaware of the impact of their behaviour. Both types can of course cause problems. If this is the case then it’s really your job as their manager to address it. Because if you don’t address it, it’s bound to continue because the individual is blind to the issue. So not to challenge is to condone.
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Use the SBIA structure
If you are giving constructively critical feedback, these four steps might give you a structure for such feedback. The structure is SBIA – standing for Situation, Behaviour Impact and Alternative. Let the person know what the situation is that you are going to talk to them about, to give them a context for the feedback; then describe the behaviour you witnessed or have evidence for. Then explain the negative Impact this has had, in what way and on who, and then either offer or get them to suggest an Alternative way of dealing with things should a similar situation occur.
would you like to write for us?… please get in touch 🙂
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Challenging Conversations
31 January 2022
Effective Top Tens – Podcast
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Quick, practical tips on a wide range of management and personal development themes.
3 key factors that make conversations challenging, including context, them and you, and how to manage all 3, before, during and afterwards
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What’s the problem?
if you say ‘I’ve got a difficult meeting coming up this afternoon’ then by describing it a ‘difficult’ you are creating the expectation that it will be…making it more likely that it will be. Just say ‘I’ve got a meeting this afternoon’. By all means prepare well for it, but avoid making it ‘difficult’ in your head before it actually deserves that title…
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What’s your best response
however the other person or group behave, your own behaviour – your response – is up to you. Your responsibility is your response-ability: to respond professionally and positively, whatever the others are doing.
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Separate the individual from the issue
if Harry is smoking in a non-designated area, then the issue is the smoking – not Harry. This makes it possible to value Harry, while addressing the issue. People are much more capable of changing the way they behave than changing their identity – so avoid making the issue personal. All that will do is make the individual defensive and even aggressive.
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Focus on outcomes
start at the back: what do you want the meeting to achieve? And work back from there. It’s difficult to provide focus in a meeting if you don’t know where you’re heading. And remember, if you’ve called the meeting, and planned for it, you may be very clear about the outcomes you desire – but does the other person…?
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Build rapport
you are more likely to be successful in any meeting if you can create positive rapport with the other person. This can include matching them in a number of ways (without mimicking them!) – for example: body language tone pace acknowledgement of their point of view building on their ideas
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Be inclusive
the best way to do this is to ask (non-threatening) questions, seeking their opinion. If I ask you now “what is the colour of your front door?” it’s almost impossible for you not to answer it – even if only in your head. So you are engaged, and thinking about something I want you to think about…So ask questions, invite comments, seek their opinion…
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Manage time
when people are interested, time goes quickly; when they are nervous, anxious or bored, it drags. So you and the other person might see the same ‘time’ differently….Also, if you are introducing new ideas, that the other person may not have thought about, then give them time to do that. It might be better to have 2 15-minute meetings – one to raise, one to discuss (with reflection time in between) than have one 30-minute meeting which tries to do it all in the one sitting…
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Use key inter-personal skills
these are my top 5: positive body language asking positive questions active listening recap acknowledge and build
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Manage emotion
in any challenging meeting, either part could be, or become, emotional. If that happens, remember these two key points: emotion hijacks reason you cannot reason with someone who is emotional So the quickest way to get someone to move from emotion back to reason is to let them vent, let off steam – so long as it is safe and private…
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Use a sensible structure
what that is, of course, is up to you – or the both of you. But is might typically follow this SCOPE structure: S: symptom – what’s the evidence there is a problem or issue? C: cause: what are the reasons for the issue? O: options: what are the options to resolve the issue or move it forward? P: preference: what does each person prefer from the options considered (try and get consensus where possible) E: execute: put that preference into action
would you like to write for us?… please get in touch 🙂
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https://effectivelearning.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/elms/audios/top_tens__influencing-skills.mp3 | 2022-03-14 | https://effective.vision/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/2_influencing-skills.png | 1670676744:1 | default | audio | 23.7M | 23175659 | https://effective.vision/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/top-tens-podcast_2_influencing-skills.mp3 | download | Manage the impression you make | we all have 3 key outlets through which others form an impression of us. How we look, sound and act. If we look friendly, sound friendly and act in a friendly way – then others will think of us as…friendly. Over time, and especially if we are consistent, our LSA becomes our DNA. So choose your LSA wisely…and if you should want to be thought of as friendly, but don’t LSA it – you are delusional. | Choose your label carefully | how you introduce yourself means giving yourself a label – so make sure it works for you, and in particular, in any particular setting. People form impressions around labels, before they get a chance to know the real you. Imagine I introduced myself to you as one of the following:
Manchester United fan
Buddhist
Divorced 3 times
Marathon runner
Writer
Northerner
Would you feel positively or negatively disposed towards me, depending on the label? | Put yourself out to put the other person in | if you want to influence someone positively, then they and their needs should be a major consideration – even if meeting them puts you out a little. They’d prefer to eat at a vegetarian restaurant, you wouldn’t. Doesn’t matter – put yourself out to put them in. People tend to be influenced by people who they are closest to – so you won’t have much success if you distance yourself from them, by prioritising your own preferences over theirs. | Think about currencies | if you were going to France for a holiday, what currency would you take? I’m assuming you’d say Euros. But if you’re from the UK, why not take £ – pounds stirling? The answer’s pretty obvious: you wouldn’t get far, and you’d be dismissed as rude and self-centred, arrogant even. Yet this applies in building relationships too; everyone has a set of currencies – ways they prefer to operate; how they ‘spend’ themselves; their ways. And the sooner you can identify them, then match them, the sooner they will be at ease with, and accepting, of you…. | Use cues and clues | listen carefully. Observe carefully. The other person is always transmitting cues and clues – things you can make a mental note of, and refer to later. They may tell you the names of their two daughters; or their favourite food; or the car they drive. Make a mental note, and bring it back into the conversation at some time. It is usually appreciated – often at the unconscious level: it is telling them that you have genuinely paid attention, and listened, and have a good memory…. | people tend to value, and be influenced by, someone’s credibility. Their reputation or track record. And especially if it comes from a valued third party… | you don’t have to be attractive in the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie way. What I mean by this is that people should generally feel comfortable and safe with you; they ‘like’ you. They would be happy to sit at a meal table with you; or get into a good conversation with you. You’d put them at ease… | Develop affinity | ‘affinity’ here means common ground – that you share something in common. There are any number of contenders, you just have to seek them out:
background
interests
values
likes and dislikes
experiences
The more common ground you have, the more you are likely to associate with each other, talk to each other, and of course, be influenced by each other. | Understand reciprocity | reciprocity is all about equalising. Most people do not like being ‘one down’, or ‘in debt’ (this is sometimes called ‘indebtedness’). If you’re at the pub, and everyone else has bought a round of drinks, you’ll feel it necessary to buy one – even if you don’t want a drink. Some people can take advantage of this, by giving you a gift, or doing you a favour, knowing you will be under psychological pressure to reciprocate – equalise. So you may give something or concede something entirely because of the need for reciprocity, when under normal circumstances, you wouldn’t have given or conceded at all… | Be interested in their interest in their interest | it’s pointless to pretend to be interested in their interest if you are not – they will see through that straight away. However, it is perfectly valid, and helpful, to be interested in THEIR interest in their interest:
how long have you had that hobby?
what made you start?
how many have you now got?
what’s your most valuable….?
…and so on. That is something they will appreciate – and love talking about – so settle back for more cues and clues… | numbered | youtube | aspect_16-9 | published | published | default | resources | effective | /resources/top-tens/influencing-skills/ | _self | https://effective.vision/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/top-tens_influencing-skills.png | podcast | published | influencing-skills | _validate_email | publish | How to create a positive impression, build credibility, likeability & affinity… to deliver positive influence consistently & authentically over time. | top-tens/R5556-TOP-TENS-influencing-skills.png | top-tens/R5556-TOP-TENS-influencing-skills.webp | publish | aspect_16-9
https://effectivelearning.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/elms/audios/top_tens__time-management.mp3 | 2022-03-14 | https://effective.vision/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/1_time-management.png | 1670307692:1 | 11.91M | 10661372 | default | audio | https://effectivelearning.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/elms/audios/top_tens__time-management.mp3 | pod_videos | download | youtube | aspect_16-9 | podcast | stop blamingtime | ‘Time Management’ is actually a misperception: we can’t manage time – it reliably looks after itself – 24/7/365. It’s an equal opportunities provider – everyone on the planet gets the same allowance. The difference is – what each of us does with that allowance. We ‘manage time’ only in the sense that we have to decide what to do with it. So really it’s about managing our priorities, rather than managing time | consider opportunity costs | Consider that you have 3 tasks you could do in the next hour (one of which might be reading this, or listening to the podcast!). Let’s call them tasks A, B and C. Suppose you decide to do A: then the opportunity cost of doing A is not taking the opportunity to do B or C. Doing tasks B and C presumably contribute some value – to you and/or your family or organisation – so you are foregoing this value by doing A. So the opportunity cost of doing A is what you miss out on by not doing B or C. So really, you’d better do A (if it’s your choice) only if it provides more value than would be the case if you did B or C….You can only spend time once, so be careful where you invest it.. | see interruptions as service enquiries | Do you get interrupted most days? Are ‘interruptions’ pretty much a given? And do you get frustrated by them? If so, here are two key tips: firstly, put the heading ‘interruptions’ on your to do list – otherwise you are spending time on an activity that never appears on your list – so you can’t account for it. Secondly, many of these ‘interruptions’ may be part of your job role – people are coming to you for information or advice – so interruptions are really ‘service enquiries’. Thinking of them in this way may make you feel more comfortable about them… | the brick, splash & bucket | If you feel overloaded, it could be due to one of 3 factors, each of which requires a strategy
do you get given additional ‘bricks’ to put into your already full bucket?
if so, do you have to manage the ‘splash’ that results from accepting the additional brick?
or do you accept the brick and avoid the splash by building a bigger bucket?
| challenge the ‘T’ | I often hear people say: “It didn’t work”. ‘Challenge the T’ means remove the ‘t’ in ‘it’. As a result, the line will now say “I didn’t work (at it)”. This makes sure you take ownership for anything that doesn’t work that’s down to you. In the same way, we tend to blame time: it’s a convenient scapegoat – it can’t answer back. So we can get away with saying: “I meant to do it, but didn’t have the time”. So try instead: “I meant to do it, but it wasn’t enough of a priority” – less blame, more ownership, of time… | urgent & important | They are not the same thing. Urgent means there is an imminent time deadline; important means there is a significant cost if you don’t do it. If you tend to prioritise by urgent, then what if so-called ‘important’ never becomes urgent..? | the three laws of urgency | Following on from the previous point: if you prioritise by urgent –
everything you do will be urgent
some important will happen too late
some important will never happen at all (because it never becomes ‘urgent’)
| delete urgent & asap | We know that ‘urgent’ means there is an imminent time deadline. So if that’s true, surely we can give the person that specific information – eg “can I please have this before 2pm this afternoon?” rather than ‘please let me have it, it’s urgent…”
Not only is giving sensible information more courteous and less oppressive, it also is more likely to ensure compliance. If someone returns to their desk with 6 post its, all asking for something ‘urgently’, it’s a lottery as to which gets attended to first. If they all had the deadlines as information, the receiver is much more likely to do their best to meet them in order, as best they can… | separate deadlines from durations | A deadline tells you when something has to be completed by – but it doesn’t say anything about how long the task should take. So two people could hit the same deadline, but the work quality would be different because of the time spent on completing the task. And, generally speaking, quality improves with the time invested. So letting people know how long the task should take – the duration – might produce a better result than simply giving a deadline… | use sensible email headers | The email header should reflect the content of the email – for two reasons. Firstly, a busy person with lots of incoming emails might simply be able to scan the headers, to decide which to open now and which to hold till later. And secondly, if the reader wants to find the email that (for example) had details of the Shawcross Application Grant, they can find it more easily if the header says ‘Shawcross Application Grant’…! | numbered | https://effective.vision/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/top-tens_time-management.png | podcast | /finder/?_sfm_resource_type=podcast | top tens | https://podfactory.effective.vision/collection_series/podcast-top-tens/ | effective | /resources/top-tens/time-management/ | _self | published | published | default | resources | published | 1665766937 | time-management | _validate_email | Tips to help you deal with key issues such as interruptions, emails, overload, deadlines, and opportunity costs | aspect_16-9 | publish | top-tens/R4709-TOP-TENS-time-management.png | top-tens/R4709-TOP-TENS-time-management.webp | publish
Top Ten Tips on…
Building Rapport
28 February 2022
Effective Top Tens – Podcast
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Quick, practical tips on a wide range of management and personal development themes.
Here are ten top tips to help you build and maintain positive relationships with those you work or socialise with, quickly and easily…
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00:00
1
Think before you enter the conversation
this simply means if you are going into a conversation or some kind of interaction, just give yourself 10, 20 seconds thinking time about the other person or group that you’re going to be talking with. What do you already know, what might they be interested in? What are their key issues? And if you’ve already had time with them before, what is their style of interaction? Give yourself a heads-up so that you don’t go in cold, but you go in with an intention and an awareness of building rapport.
2
Choose the best currency
currency is a metaphor for how we interact with each other. If you were going on holiday to France, you would take euros because that’s the currency that the French would use. If you’re listening to this in the UK our own currency is pounds Sterling. So why wouldn’t you take pound Sterling for a fortnight’s holiday in France? And the answer is pretty obvious. You wouldn’t get very far and you wouldn’t be very popular. In fact, you probably wouldn’t buy very much because it will be refused. And that’s the idea of currencies in terms of human interactions. We all have our own currency. We have our preferences for how we interact: our style, tone, pace, the specific language we use are all preferences that we each have. And they may not be the same preferences for the people we’re chatting to. My whole point here is that to be good at rapport, it’s helpful to be able to use the other person’s currencies, their preferences, rather than your own.
3
Use cues and clues
in any conversation, the other person will tell you things about themselves. Obviously there’ll be some very specific things. They’re answering questions and they’ll give you specific answers, but they’ll give you some idea about what their currency is, what their background is, what their preferences are. And these cues and clues can be absorbed by you then filed away in your mental note book and used later on in that conversation or later conversations. So if somebody has said something that you then specifically refer to later, or you use a particular turn of phrase that they’ve used, it does two things for them. Firstly, it shows that you are really good at listening intently to what they’re saying, and that you have good recall. Secondly, it shows that you have some degree of interest in them. Some consideration for them as a person to be able to play back to them. So it makes them feel valued that you have heard and are able to recall and replay things that matter to them. And that’s an essential part of rapport building.
4
Listen actively
we don’t just listen to people. We have a way of listening that makes a difference to the other person. It’s not just listening, it’s listening actively. This includes perhaps one or two obvious things like looking at the other person and providing nonverbal cues to show that you’re listening such as nodding, it’s also about turning your whole body to the person speaking so that you are fully attentive to that person. And I like the phrase paying attention. When you’re listening, you should be paying attention, which means you’re investing in them.
5
Recap
the very best way of showing that you’re listening is to be able to recap what they’ve been saying. All the other clues that I’ve given you about active listening, nodding, looking at the person they can be learned, and can we give an off signals, so that even if you are not listening, you can make it look as though you’re listening. But you can’t possibly recap what the other person has been saying unless you’ve been listening. So the best proof to the other person that you are listening to them is to recap what they’ve been saying.
6
Acknowledge and build
when somebody is chatting to you and they are offering an idea, then acknowledge what they’re saying. And the second part is build. It’s really helpful to be able to build on what they have been saying. So for example, you can say that’s interesting, or I agree – that would be an acknowledgement. And, (and use the word and), and one way that would work in my company…or one of the things I can help with that is…, and that’s a build, it takes their idea or their offering and builds on it. It adds to it.
7
Ask questions
you invite the other person to say what they want to say, and the best way of inviting them to do that is to ask a question. It doesn’t have to be a deeper probing question. It can just be an invitation to get a response or a comment on the whole. People value being given the opportunity to offer their point of view. So you asking questions, invites the other person into the conversation.
8
Make sure you respond to the comments they make
they may offer statements. And the danger with somebody just talking in statements is it makes the listener rather passive. They’re not invited in. So if somebody is talking to you in statements, Make sure it becomes two way by offering a response to their statements. You can respond to statements. You don’t have to wait for a question and as long as you don’t interrupt or change direction and using the aknowledge and build approach, you’ll be able to engage satisfactorily with them and still let them make the running.
9
Be interested in their interest in their interest
suppose they’re clearly interested in something. They have a hobby or a particular favourite something, something they’re quite passionate about. Be interested in their interest in that topic – don’t pretend to be interested in the topic itself. Suppose they are interested in cacti growing. Don’t pretend to be interested in that, but in why they are interested. For example, how long have you been interested? how many cacti do you have? Are they difficult to maintain? are they valuable? It doesn’t really matter what their interest is. You need to be interested, curious about their interest in that particular hobby or, or topic
10
Bridge
you may well have some points you want to get across, or you may want to bring the conversation round to something that is the purpose in your view of the conversation. So you need to learn how to bridge from their topic to the one you want to talk about am able to offer. You need to make a connection between what they are talking about and what you want to talk about. So listen for something they say that you can ‘bridge’ to your preferred topic. And why this is a powerful skill is because by linking what you want to say to what they are already interested in, there will be more continued interest in what you have to say.
would you like to write for us?… please get in touch 🙂
Related courses & resources…
Soft Selling Skills
For anyone who wants to be persuasive and get others’ buy in, but is averse to traditional ideas about selling; or f or team leaders who would like to introduce soft selling to their teams.
Positive Workplace Relationships
For anyone who wants to build and develop strong and positive relationships with others, and learn about ways in which to do this.
Top Ten Tips on…
Being Persuasive
Of course, you may be too busy to listen… but you’ll regret it if you don’t – since then you’ll never know how useful these top ten tips would have been…
https://effectivelearning.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/elms/audios/top_tens__being-resilient.mp3 | 2022-03-14 | https://effective.vision/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/8_being-resilient.png | 1670313820:1 | default | download | audio | 19.38M | 20325817 | https://effective.vision/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/top-tens-podcast_8_being-resilient.mp3 | numbered | youtube | aspect_16-9 | pod_factory | published | default | podcast | top tens | /finder/?_sfm_resource_type=podcast | https://podfactory.effective.vision/collection_series/podcast-top-tens/ | effective | /resources/top-tens/being-resilient/ | _self | resources | https://effective.vision/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/top-tens_being-resilient.png | podcast | published | being-resilient | _validate_email | How to personally make the best of any difficult situation, and be better prepared for the next one… | top-tens/R5544-TOP-TENS-being-resilient.png | top-tens/R5544-TOP-TENS-being-resilient.webp | It’s ok to wallow – for a while | when times are tough, it’s okay to wallow, but not permanently. So only wallow for a while. Sometimes things just do get on top of us a bit and we just need to take a break, step back and, you know, dive under the duvet, but not for life and not for long. So yes. Give yourself a break. Take some time out. Treat yourself. Disappear. Look after yourself -but only for a while, don’t make it a permanent state. | Learn to let things go | that’s an easier thing to say than to do; for many, many people letting go is a real skill that takes time and effort to develop. But here’s the point. If there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, then not letting it go has some serious downsides. The first one is it’s preoccupying you, which probably means that you worry about it, even though you can’t do anything about it. So it’s a bit of an unproductive, emotional state to worry without being able to resolve. And secondly, of course it occupies you and therefore prevents you from getting on with things that you can do. So worrying is not a productive or action centered st rategy. It takes you down. It may also take down the other people who are close to you. Do we hang onto things that really we should let go of because it will set us free? | quote | Apparently in India, if you try and catch a monkey, you build a little perspex cage sunk into the ground with a little hole at the side, and inside the cage, you put bananas. Apparently monkeys go mad for bananas. So the hole is big enough for the monkey to put their hand in and reach out and get the banana. But of course, when they try and get the banana back out, they can’t because the fist now holding the banana is too big to come back out through the hole. But rather than let go of something they desire, they hang on to it, and so they remain trapped and easily caught. | Forgive | forgiveness is a really powerful concept. Many of us in life will have been hurt. We’ll have been upset. We’ll have been let down and, and our natural reaction is to resent that, and to carry that hurt and pain with you.
But in fact, the only person who’s really suffering with that hurt is you. If you can learn to just let it go and forgive, to move on, you absolutely will be healthier and more resilient. You will have brought about closure on the event, and the pain. | Keep your reservoir topped up | we all have a stock of assets, mental, physical, emotional, and just like water in a reservoir they can deplete because they’re all being used up far more than they’re being replenished. So in order for a reservoir to work, the outgoing has to be topped up with the incoming. So how is your reservoir balance? are you spending excessively without topping up?
So there’s two things there. One is be careful about how much of your emotional, physical, and mental reservoir you spend, and think also about what you are actually doing to keep that topped up. What do you do to build and sustain your emotional, physical, and mental wellbeing? Be careful not to get depleted in your personal reservoir, keep your reservoir topped up. | Eat, sleep, exercise | a good way to keep our reservoir topped up is to do thee three things. Eat well. Sleep well and exercise well. it should be everybody’s daily mantra. What really matters is your wellbeing, your overall health. So find strategies that help you build that. And they usually revolve around how well you sleep, which is not only how long you sleep, but the quality of your sleep, how well you eat, and how well you exercise? And that doesn’t mean to say you have to be a gym bunny. I go for a walk every day. I don’t go anywhere near a gym. The main thing I think is about moving, about keeping your body active. So go dancing, dance around the kitchen when you’re making a meal or just before you sit down to eat, take the stairs rather than the lift, just go for walks to the park. Just move. Don’t become too much of a couch potato. | Count your blessings | I’m a huge fan of this. I wake up and I think usually somewhere during the day, I really am lucky. You know, the life I have.
Is in many ways in global terms, my life, and possibly your too, is exceptional. There are so many other people – millions, billions of people far, far, far worse off than me. So really, really what have I got to grumble about? You know, I’ve got my health, my wellbeing. I’m a happy bunny. Why wouldn’t I be with so much to be grateful for. So let’s not get things out of proportion, keep a sense of perspective.
And I think it’s just useful every morning to wake up and think, you know, I’m lucky to be who I am, where I am with who I’m with. | Move through life with a positive mindset | what I mean by that is that is that in any given situation, see, and look for the positives in it.
Somebody said to me the other day, you know, we had a lot of rain recently and I said, yes, isn’t everything green, vibrant and healthy looking? You know, rain can be seen as a negative, sure.. People get wet and it looks cold and miserable, but the land is being nourished. It’s why we have such lush pasture in this green and pleasant land. So look for the positives in things. For example, if yo have to face a difficulty, then frame it as a challenge. Have some positive self talk, such as: “Let’s see how I do. How can I manage this as well as I can?” So it’s about mindset. | Ask yourself these three key questions | this is a kind of three point tip. You’re asking yourself three questions as you face something that might be taking you down or causing a concern or a worry. Question one: what’s the worst that could happen? Two: how likely is it to happen? and three – then what, what will I do if the worst happens? There’s two things about the third question. One is that it really gives you a sense of perspective. What’s IS the worst that could happen? Well, that might happen, but how likely is it? And even if potentially going to happen, what would I do about it? Because I still have to have some kind of reaction if the worst comes to the worst. So some people have a real struggle with thinking through the possibilities of difficulty.
As soon as they see something, they’ll frame it to be going to be bad. The outcome would almost be bad. Get more of a sense of perspective, but asking the three questions, what’s the worst that can happen. How likely is it? And then what? | Avoid catastrophising | it’s a big word. It’s a funny word, really, but it’s seeing the worst in everything. You know that some people have a frame where if there’s uncertainty, it’s bound to go wrong, it’s bound to be bad. It’s never going to work. I always tell this little story about my mum, bless her.
She’s really quite tiny. And then. Nervous in some areas and she decided she wasn’t going to learn how to drive. And when I asked why she said, well, I might have an accident and kill myself or kill somebody else. I said, okay. So how are you going to get around? And she said, well, I’ll just go by public transport.
And I said, well, then what if you’re in a vehicle? Oh, she said, yeah, of course they can crash as well. Can’t they? So, um, I’ll just be a pedestrian. And I said, well, what could happen to a pedestrian said, yeah, yeah, of course pedestrians can be knocked down. I tell you what, I’ll just stay in my house. Two up, two down.
And then what? Oh yes she said, I heard the other day about somebody falling down the stairs, breaking their neck. I said, so what are you going to do? And she just looked at me and smiled and said, it’s ridiculous. Isn’t it? I said, yes it is ridiculous. You know, life is actually risky, something untoward and unhelpful, and really sad happens to somebody somewhere every day.
But it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t live our life as fully as we can. | Convert worry into problem solving | it’s a three-step approach. The first step is to recognise when you’re worrying. For me, my stomach churns, but other signs could be tight shoulders or neck ache or sweaty palms or palpitations….There’s usually some physiological sign that you’re worrying that you should learn to recognize when you are starting to worry. And as you do move to the second step: create what we call a program interrupt -something that’s going to stop you in your tracks. I have a mental image of a flashing red neon sign that simply says stop stop, stop. So I’ve now associated the churn in my stomach with this flashing neon sign. So the second step is to create what we call a program, interrupt; it drops the worry program. It stops you in your tracks. And then the third step is to move into a five step problem solving thinking frame. Here are the five steps. What’s the problem? Why is it a problem? What are my options? Which of those do I prefer? Do it. That’s it. And while I am working my way through those five steps, all of which will make me think about my answers, I don’t have the mental space to worry. The mind cannot equally pay attention to two separate thought processes. So either the worry will beat the problem solving or the problem solving will beat the worry. | publish | publish | aspect_16-9
1670270558:1 | 2022-03-14 | finding-the-lever | audio | https://effectivelearning.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/elms/audios/storytelling__finding-the-lever.mp3 | 2.77M | default | /resources/storytelling/25-finding-the-lever/ | https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwoFh15qW4I | effective | published | {{unknown}} | 2901233 | https://effectivelearning.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/elms/audios/storytelling__finding-the-lever.mp3 | Jeanette was a sales supervisor. She had a competent team, and outstanding among them was Julie. Julie was a superb sales person, and always headed the ‘targets achieved’ list, month after month.
There was one major problem though: Julie’s timekeeping. Though there was a clear office policy on punctuality, Julie was more often than not late – sometimes by up to half an hour.
Jeanette had spoken to Julie about this on several occasions. On each occasion Julie’s timekeeping improved In the short term, but deteriorated over the longer term.
Jeanette was stuck. She did not want to support Julie’s lateness, and it set a bad example for the rest of the team, who were also frustrated at Julie’s timekeeping. Equally, though, Jeanette did not want to lose her most successful sales person.
When Jeanette discussed this with me, I asked if Julie had other interests, motives or drivers. The company had a Management Development Scheme, and Jeanette mentioned that Julie was keen to progress within the company, and wanted to join the Scheme. But to do so, she needed her supervisor’s nomination.
I suggested that this might be a lever, something for Jeanette to trade against the poor timekeeping. Jeanette saw immediately what I was getting at, and decided to try it out.
I next saw Jeanette 3 months later, and asked if she had had a conversation with Julie, and what the result had been.
“It was great”, said Jeanette. “I sat down privately with Julie, and raised her timekeeping again, but this time added something. I said I knew she wanted to be recommended for the MD Scheme, and that I was happy to do so, apart from the problem of timekeeping. I could not, in good faith, recommend to the company someone for a management role who was such a poor timekeeper, and would set a poor example to her staff. If of course, the timekeeping issue could be solved, I’d be happy to recommend her. Julie’s timekeeping has been spot on ever since.”People get into habits – good and bad – and habits are difficult to change. To make a change, people often need a motivator, or incentive – a carrot. The key point here, though is that until our conversation, Jeanette had not seen the potential of using Julie’s driver (for career development) as something to trade to gain improvement in time keeping. Jeanette had seen both issues as important, but as separate.Sometimes we are too close to situations, and cannot see the wood for the trees. Talking through the problem with someone who has a fresh, detached perspective, might provide an insight or idea that you’d missed.. | To make a change, people often need a motivator, or incentive – a carrot. | resources | podcast | published | aspect_16-9 | youtube | Understanding someone’s key motivation & drivers can convert repetitive failure to instant success…so focus on what they want, not just what you want. | 25-finding-the-lever | storytelling/R5509-STORYTELLING-finding-the-lever-p1.webp | publish | _validate_email | top/tailed audio | storytelling/R5509-STORYTELLING-finding-the-lever.pdf | publish | inherit-font | inherit-font | inherit-font | There are a number of take-aways from this story:HabitsMotivationConsequenceContext | Habit: | One thing that puzzled Jeanette was how often a pattern was repeated. She’d mention it to Julie; Julie would respond in the short term; then seem to disregard the agreement to improve, and return to old ways. The most likely cause of this is habit. It takes a lot of time and effort to change an ingrained habit; Julie’s drift may simply be a return to what she was most used to and comfortable with. Imagine folding your arms. You probably fold them that way every time; it’s now your norm, your default, your habit. And though there is no right or wrong way to fold your arms, your pattern is now embedded, and it would take a lot for you to change this habit, so that you not only folded them the other way, but did so automatically. That’s possibly Julie’s situation. So until Jeanette found a useful lever, she would probably have had to regularly remind Julie, or Julie would have to have created her own reminders. Habits are easy to maintain, and very difficult to break – especially if they work for you! | inherit-font | inherit-font | inherit-font | Motivation | This was one of the key to the solution. Simply, Julie was not motivated by punctuality, but was by her sales role, and being not only successful, but ‘the best’. And of course, she was also motivated by career advancement, and the MDP. So rather than try and motivate Julie towards something she was not motivated by (punctuality) Jeanette focused on what Julie was motivated by – the MDP. | Consequence | To Julie, there was no apparent negative consequence to lack of punctuality; she assessed (probably correctly) that Jeanette would not want to risk losing her star performer – which is why she probably calculated she could get away with poor timekeeping. So to Julie, there was no serious threatening consequence of her poor punctuality. She could probably take the occasional admonishment, believing nothing more serious would happen. However, when Jeanette tied punctuality to being recommended for the MDP, there was now a serious consequence to punctuality which hadn’t been there before. So a key part of finding a lever, is to be able to tie a required action to an important consequence – so it is the consequence, rather than the action, that makes the difference. | Context | Another key factor in the successful result. Julie was operating in the context of leading sales person in the sales team. That was her current role and context. But…;she wanted to change that role and context. She had aspirations to be a manager, to develop a new role and career – which is a different context. So when Jeanette changed the context, the reference point, from sales performer to possible manager, it significantly changed Julie’s perspective. When Jamie Oliver took on his 15 young school leavers, he insisted they look, sound, and behave like chefs, right from the start – so they changed their perspective, from young school leavers to potential chefs. And a friend of mine teaching students law, insisted that, in her class, they acted and spoke as lawyers. Reframing the context was possibly the main lever in bringing about a successful conclusion: Jeanette simply explained, then emphasised, how a manager would have to behave…and that of course, included punctuality. | Sometimes we are too close to situations, and cannot see the wood for the trees. | dwoFh15qW4I | storytelling/R5509-STORYTELLING-finding-the-lever-p1.webp | Habits, Commitment, Motivation & Context
