Feedback, Performance & Workplace Relationships

Quite simply, the supervisor was not aware of the impression created by the combination of height, expression and tone. What is very apparent to others is not always apparent to the person concerned. And if there is low self-awareness, then it is difficult, if not impossible, for that individual to change the way they speak and behave. Such lack of awareness is sometimes called a blind spot: the individual is either completely unaware of a particular tone or behaviour; or they are aware, but have no understanding of the way it impacts on others. An example of the first might be playing with a piece of jewellery or jabbing a pen, and an example of the second might be interrupting someone, because they think it’s just adding a contribution and keeping things moving…

There are really two remedies to lack of self awareness and blind spot behaviour. The first, and most obvious, is for someone at the receiving end of this behaviour to mention it to the individual. Many do not want to do this, because it sounds critical, and might worsen their relationship. But we think offering blind spot feedback is, and ought to be seen as, a gift: if you were doing something that had a negative impact on others, but you didn’t know about it – would you want to know? Then if you are receiving unhelpful blind spot behaviour, recognise that what you are offering is information that the receiver might very well value. And if you receive such feedback, make sure you recognise it as a gift. Because everyone who has a blind spot is inevitably trapped by it…and often only blind spot feedback can set them free…

The second option is to be observant, to watch and listen for the response to your behaviours. These responses may indicate all is not well with what you are saying or how you are behaving.

No situation, event, conversation is neutral. Everyone will give a meaning to that situation, event or conversation, and that meaning will differ according to the background, beliefs, experiences and assumptions made by each person involved. So there is a real danger in assuming that everyone present has the same meaning, and worse still, that they have the same meaning as you!. So it can be useful in any interaction to be open to the possibility – perhaps likelihood – that everyone involved will have some different meaning to give to what is happening. So, in this example, it is difficult for someone who is 6’4” to appreciate how he looks and sounds to someone who is much smaller. So a useful piece of advice might be to always attempt to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and consider how what you are saying or doing will look or sound to them – especially if you have some awareness of their background.

It is easy to assume that what we intended by what we say will be exactly received in that way; but there is plenty of evidence to suggest this is often not the case. There’s a famous saying: “the meaning of the communication is the response you get”, and in that sense, the intent is far less important, and far more vulnerable, than the interpretation – because it is the interpretation, not the intent, that will be taken away and acted upon.

Often it’s the small things that matter. In this scenario, staff were unable to dissect the particular behaviours and tone of their supervisor, and simply generalised their anxiety as ‘how they were managed’ – which of course is open to massive interpretation, and could mean a number of things. But what was producing the anxiety were actually small things: unequal height; body language; tone. All easy enough to fix. So two things follow: firstly, beware of generalisations, and don’t base assumptions on them, which might be invalid; and secondly, drill down for the specifics – because they are usually the cause, and also easiest to fix.

In this story the supervisor acted immediately on the feedback, and relationships immediately improved, In order for that to happen, the supervisor not only needed to get the feedback, but also to see its justification and importance. So in giving feedback, particularly feedback you want the other person to act on, make sure it provides the motivation for action, which usually means minimising the negative consequences of current behaviours, and/or benefiting both themselves and those affected by current behaviours.